I’ve been having some anger issues lately.  I don’t know what they are stemming from.  It might be life’s daily stresses, could be hormones, possibly it’s some outside influence that I haven’t even figured out yet.  All I know for certain is, is that I have been eyeing the single golf clubs for sale at Goodwill for the past couple of weeks.  They’re only 3 bucks.  Wouldn’t it feel good to smash some stuff up?  Release some tension?  Re-enact John Goodman’s amazing portrayal of Walter in Big Lewbowski?  I haven’t bought the clubs just yet.  I am trying to deal with my anger in a more positive and more legal way.

Today I had a victory over what could have been a real rager and I’m almost feeling like an Urban Buddha.

As I was driving along San Fernando in Burbank, where all the little shops are (well, Urban Outfitters), there was a heavy line of traffic going both ways on the two way street.  I drove around the block three times just to make complete, last, for certain, OCD sure that I wouldn’t be getting a spot and that I should just drive on home to Target.  Just as I was about to give up, I saw someone vacating their spot on my side of the road.  It was my space.  My turn. I slowed to a stop and put my blinker on.

Just as the other driver pulled out, a car from the opposite lane, pedal-metaled, swinging right in front of me, taking my space.  I honked, giving a WTF gesture.  I stopped right behind the offender’s car, waiting for her to get out.  She must have sensed I was wanting to smoke her out, because she spent some time “shuffling” crap in her car.  When she did finally get out, I rolled down my window, and calmly called out, “You know what you just did was really wrong.”

She didn’t even make eye contact, dismissing me with, “Whatever, I just pulled around.”

Me:  No, what you just did was wrong, and you know it.

Parking Offender:  (Dismissing me with her hand) Whatever.  Happy Easter.

And then she walked away.  Did she really dismiss me with a “Happy Easter”? As if I was the bad guy acting jerky on a sacred holiday?  That is a double whammy of wrong, and usually would make me want to find a parking spot, find her and really give her the what for face to face. . . because to be honest, sometimes I’m just waiting for a reason to give someone the what for.  Sometimes people are just ASKING for the “what for” special, that only a woman with the voice of a 13 year old and the range of words that include an almost perfect SAT score can deliver.

I eventually found a parking space and wrote her the following note:

“Happy Easter to you too!  Just a thought though, would Jesus really love that dick move you just pulled?”

As I walked up to her car, I changed my mind.  Why perpetuate the negativity? Why give in?  What must it be like to be a jerk like her on a day to day basis?  And wouldn’t I just be acting white person problem “crazy” and like a jerk too?

One victory for my anger management and one life saved in the township of Burbank.  A pretty productive day.

Happy Easter!